Had three cups of tea
instead of the usual two.
Transcendentally
meditated
while waiting
for the eggs to boil.
Made a packed lunch
and wrapped it
asymmetrically
in foil.

Donned sandals
and socks
and a loincloth
from M&S
which was decorated
with leaves
and berries.

Cut off the sleeves
of his anorak.
Painted a skull
on the back.
Put it on.
Finished the crossword.
And was gone.

At the press conference his wife
made a tearful plea
for him to return
and mend
the garden fence.

So he did.