To shore up its vote in the northern “red wall” seats captured from Labour, the government this week issued its levelling up white paper.
This poem is designed to provide some helpful guidance to those tasked with levelling up.
Instructions for Levelling Up
Take a red wall
that’s rather small.
Announce it will soon
be ten foot tall.
Add some bricks.
Paint them blue.
You’ve got no cement
so stick them with goo.
Throw cheers and hugs
and the kitchen sink in.
You’ve got no money,
just turbo-charged thinking.
Make speeches. Write papers.
Try nodding and winking.
Hope nobody sees
that beneath the wall
the ground is sinking.
